Reflections

I feel that I am in a busy time of my life right now. There is always something going on. There are places to go, errands to run, kids to feed and clean up after, people to help, the list goes on and on. And yet, last weekend, I came to a realization. I am still a good mom. I am nice. I am fun. I am actually patient too! This sudden realization came to me as I sat with just Amber at a booth at Wendy's eating and enjoying time together. The boys were all gone on the camp out with Barth, and it was just she and I. I wasn't bothered by the fact that we had someplace to go....so hurry up and eat. I wasn't concerned that she was standing in the booth and dancing to the music rather than eating her food. There were no tantrums (probably because she wasn't competing for attention with anyone!) I was nice and fun and patient. I even thought to myself, "Wow! One child is such a breeze!!!" And for me, at this stage of my life, having just one for an evening was a breeze!

That night as I lay in bed thinking about our fun evening out, my mind was drawn back 9 years to when I had Weston. And I didn't think that one was such a breeze at that time. I can vividly remember the first time that we set out for church as a family of 3. I had given myself an extra hour, thinking for sure that it would be enough time to get to church on time, especially seeing as how we lived across the street from the church!! I was SOOO wrong. We were 45 minutes late for church. :) At the time, having one child was so hard. It was hard to get to places on time. Hard to get everything together for a simple walk. Hard to get my house cleaned up because I had this little person that required all of my time.

And then along came Brian. By this time, I was fairly confident in my mothering abilities. Perhaps too confident. I thought that I had it all down pat......boy was I wrong, as was evidenced by the whole feeding trouble that ensued. And at the time, 2 was a juggle. But I still had one hand for each child and before long it was all good, easy, great. Then along came Aaron and then Amber. I was busier than ever. I had school runs to make. And doctors to see. And books that were forgotten and had to be taken back up to school. And forgotten lunch boxes. And somehow in the middle of it all, my patience wears thin. I am not perhaps as nice as I would like. I am not nearly as patient as I would hope to be. I am so tired most days that I know I am not nearly as fun as I used to be! But, for a moment, that one small moment at Wendy's, I realized that even though I am not as perfect as I would like, I am doing an okay job. My children are happy. They love each other. They are well adjusted and good individuals.

It was nice and easy when I had just Amber the other night, and yet, I wouldn't trade my life or my kids for the world. I wouldn't have less just so that things might be a little easier. In reality, I actually think that it is easier having a house full of children than when I just had Weston. They entertain each other. They help each other choose the right. There is always someone to play with. There are many more hands that love to help me and cheerfully clean my house. And there is always love and laughter filling my home. I am so thankful for each one of my children. I am so grateful for all I have learned over the last 9 years as a mother. I realize that the more I am given, the more I am capable of. The Lord is so smart like that. He gives us more and more, and then makes us capable of handling all that he gives us. We may have to stretch more to handle it, but I am thankful for the stretching. (most of the time anyway!-- or at least in retrospect!) I also think that this journey that I find myself in has made me even more thankful for my own good mother and the wonderful job that she and my dad did in raising us children. It also makes me increasingly thankful for Barth, who, through it all, is there by my side, helping me, lifting me and together I know that we can do all things. Isn't life and parenthood a wonderful thing? I couldn't ask for more! :)